I Hope....

"First you hate 'em, then you get used to them, then enough time passes, you start to depend on them.
That's institutionalised."

"Hope is a good thing. Maybe the best of things. And no good thing dies."

"A free man at the start of a long journey, whose conclusion is uncertain."

-Shawshank Redemption.

Today someone offered me something I could not take up, something I would have enjoyed but have prior commitments that seem more engrossing.

It surprises me that I am happy, this happy at that. I never thought I needed acceptance or appreciation this much and it seems a long time since I felt this particular brand of joy, that of being wanted, of being valued, of having something to offer that people need, desire. I feel normal, redeemed.

Of having options, of getting to choose! It feels like being at home after an exile.

And I shall not let go of this. Mom's right though, when you have great expectations, high hopes, you have to live up to them. But now I don't care how hard I have to slog. I don't care if I don't go out or sleep well. I will have options.

" Get busy living or get busy dying"
-Shawshank Redemption.

I'll live the way I dreamt to, the way I ought to.