There's something that binds us
Something deep, primitive yet unique
You won't understand it
We don't understand it either
It is something, beyond description
It cannot be bound by the mundane vocabulary
Or dragged to the ground by efforts to unveil
A fleeting emotion that comes haunting back
Loyal to a lost tune
A forgotten phrase
The feeble hope of visiting of a long lost place
And time
But it exists
Even though fleetingly for brief lapses in my own conscience
But it still survives
An uneasy ghost of a beautiful past
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
Thursday, November 27, 2008
Sunday, November 16, 2008
Some faaltu time, an apology not made and a movie..
Rays of truth,
explode forth
after an age of being crushed
buried, shrouded,
obscured, clouded.
Fighting a lost cause,
for years now
No idea why
No clue how.
Such a beautiful battle
An adorable strife
Torn between emotions
Denial vs Acceptance
life vs Life.
Re living those moments
Relishing memories some
Thoughts that were erased
Feelings that were overcome
Run so far away from
My essence, my core
What was so beautiful
to me, inherent before.
Why fight what is pure
So sublime yet strong?
It is mine to endure,
to possess, to belong.
Maybe it's the jingoism,
It goes to my head
Made promises to keep
Am breaking them instead
Caught today in the act
of a play
Scripted to keep all
obvious at bay.
It seems impossible now
To stop, to restrain.
To pretend, lie and vow
To never speak the truth again.
explode forth
after an age of being crushed
buried, shrouded,
obscured, clouded.
Fighting a lost cause,
for years now
No idea why
No clue how.
Such a beautiful battle
An adorable strife
Torn between emotions
Denial vs Acceptance
life vs Life.
Re living those moments
Relishing memories some
Thoughts that were erased
Feelings that were overcome
Run so far away from
My essence, my core
What was so beautiful
to me, inherent before.
Why fight what is pure
So sublime yet strong?
It is mine to endure,
to possess, to belong.
Maybe it's the jingoism,
It goes to my head
Made promises to keep
Am breaking them instead
Caught today in the act
of a play
Scripted to keep all
obvious at bay.
It seems impossible now
To stop, to restrain.
To pretend, lie and vow
To never speak the truth again.
Sunday, November 9, 2008
This is the Life
Thursday, November 6, 2008
Obamania..
There are some people one simply can't hate. Ok forget that, there are some people one can't help liking. I did not believe that possible till I personally got to know people like that. And as the country and the world goes hysterical after Obama I face those same questions again.
I don't know what it is about such people. I suspect it is not one single quality but a host of varied ones. Each different person hangs on to a different aspect and finds his own personal God in that person. It is amusing and remarkable at the same time, this united mass-spread devotion, affection, reverence for one being and not even because he has achieved something great or affected society yet, but simply for the person he is, for his ideals, his conduct.
Earlier I used to stand in the by lane and watch this inexplicable mass worship and smile to myself, perplexed. I never understood it.
But whatever it is, it makes the world seem a better place.
It reaffirms our faith in humanity, in the belief that atleast people worship righteousness.
To me it speaks of the innate admiration we all have for something true, honest, for something pure. We may not be 'Howard Roarks' but atleast we look up to someone who we think comes close. This is not to say that I have actually come across any Roarks or that Obama is untainted. No one's perfect and we all know that, in fact everyone's definition of perfect would also be different.
Anyway, without getting side tracked(although I wonder if there is a track here!) so many times the projected greatness of a person has a lot to do with the projection besides the origin. When such highly adored people fail to live up to those aspirations that others have for them, it crumbles the ideals of many. And it's not the fault of the up held. Many a time the crown is unwanted, the admiation unasked for and the expectations unjustified. So the unwilling hero ends up dissappointing people who wrongly marked in him quality he didn't possess.
But I think in the end it doesn't really matter, people need their heroes, it gives them hope, it gives them faith, we all need someone to look up to, someone to admire, people to put on those pedestals we make. And being so massively loved at so mind boggling a scale couldn't be bad! :)
I still don't have any answers though, neither does anyone I ask. They all say well he has this quality you know, you can't help liking him!
I don't know what it is about such people. I suspect it is not one single quality but a host of varied ones. Each different person hangs on to a different aspect and finds his own personal God in that person. It is amusing and remarkable at the same time, this united mass-spread devotion, affection, reverence for one being and not even because he has achieved something great or affected society yet, but simply for the person he is, for his ideals, his conduct.
Earlier I used to stand in the by lane and watch this inexplicable mass worship and smile to myself, perplexed. I never understood it.
But whatever it is, it makes the world seem a better place.
It reaffirms our faith in humanity, in the belief that atleast people worship righteousness.
To me it speaks of the innate admiration we all have for something true, honest, for something pure. We may not be 'Howard Roarks' but atleast we look up to someone who we think comes close. This is not to say that I have actually come across any Roarks or that Obama is untainted. No one's perfect and we all know that, in fact everyone's definition of perfect would also be different.
Anyway, without getting side tracked(although I wonder if there is a track here!) so many times the projected greatness of a person has a lot to do with the projection besides the origin. When such highly adored people fail to live up to those aspirations that others have for them, it crumbles the ideals of many. And it's not the fault of the up held. Many a time the crown is unwanted, the admiation unasked for and the expectations unjustified. So the unwilling hero ends up dissappointing people who wrongly marked in him quality he didn't possess.
But I think in the end it doesn't really matter, people need their heroes, it gives them hope, it gives them faith, we all need someone to look up to, someone to admire, people to put on those pedestals we make. And being so massively loved at so mind boggling a scale couldn't be bad! :)
I still don't have any answers though, neither does anyone I ask. They all say well he has this quality you know, you can't help liking him!
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
Having exams is one damnable thing. The mightiest of blights.
It makes people insane, inane, giggly, gossipy. It inspires random chat sessions, high pitched squealy laughter and in this case crappy blog posts.
Whenever I am bogged down with work, I decide to go on one long holiday of denail! I refuse to start working, what the hell, just need to get through these hours, it'll all settle down on its own. Eventually I will realise it's too late to achieve anything anyway and stop making horrendously demanding goals and that's it!
Such demanding times also bring with them a deep urge to share one's misery. The best way to do that is put up a status message on Gtalk, and not just any status message, a voluble, in-the-face, advertisement on how sucky one's life is.
I also remember getting weird urges in such crunch times. The weather outside always seems devilishly awesome. The traitor, always tempting with lovely moods right when I cannot enjoy it!
I get pangs to read books, ones that I never pick up in leisure, I suddenly realise how long it has been since I have painted or sung.
Today it's different. Today I am getting this strong urge to get a puppy. And not any random puppy, but the one that sits posing in the middle of my wallpaper between two others. I have no idea why ! But I really want that pup, the cute light brown Golden Retriever.
I don't want anything else or beyond, I can't seem to think beyond the puppy! :(
Even exams or graduation or presentations don't matter so much ! I want the puppieeeeeeeeee !!! :((((((((((
It makes people insane, inane, giggly, gossipy. It inspires random chat sessions, high pitched squealy laughter and in this case crappy blog posts.
Whenever I am bogged down with work, I decide to go on one long holiday of denail! I refuse to start working, what the hell, just need to get through these hours, it'll all settle down on its own. Eventually I will realise it's too late to achieve anything anyway and stop making horrendously demanding goals and that's it!
Such demanding times also bring with them a deep urge to share one's misery. The best way to do that is put up a status message on Gtalk, and not just any status message, a voluble, in-the-face, advertisement on how sucky one's life is.
I also remember getting weird urges in such crunch times. The weather outside always seems devilishly awesome. The traitor, always tempting with lovely moods right when I cannot enjoy it!
I get pangs to read books, ones that I never pick up in leisure, I suddenly realise how long it has been since I have painted or sung.
Today it's different. Today I am getting this strong urge to get a puppy. And not any random puppy, but the one that sits posing in the middle of my wallpaper between two others. I have no idea why ! But I really want that pup, the cute light brown Golden Retriever.
I don't want anything else or beyond, I can't seem to think beyond the puppy! :(
Even exams or graduation or presentations don't matter so much ! I want the puppieeeeeeeeee !!! :((((((((((
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
Saturday, November 1, 2008
बात निकलेगी तो फिर दूर तलक जाएगी
लोग बेवजह उदासी का सबब पूछेंगे
यह भी पूछेंगे कि तुम इतनी परेशां क्यूँ हो
उंगलियाँ उठेंगी सूखे हुए बालों की तरफ़
एक नज़र देखेंगे गुज़रे हुए सालों की तरफ़
चूड़ियों पर भी कई तंज़ किए जाएंगे
कांपते हाथों पे भी फिक्रे कसे जाएंगे
लोग ज़ालिम हैं हर एक बात का ताना देंगे
बातों बातों में मेरा ज़िक्र भी ले आएँगे
उनकी बातों का ज़रा सा भी असर मत लेना
वरना चेहरे के तासुर से समझ जाएँगे
चाहे कुछ भी हो सवालात न करना उनसे
चाहे कुछ भी हो सवालात न करना उनसे
मेरे बारे में कोई बात न करना उनसे
बात निकलेगी तो फ़िर दूर तलक जाएगी
लोग बेवजह उदासी का सबब पूछेंगे
यह भी पूछेंगे कि तुम इतनी परेशां क्यूँ हो
उंगलियाँ उठेंगी सूखे हुए बालों की तरफ़
एक नज़र देखेंगे गुज़रे हुए सालों की तरफ़
चूड़ियों पर भी कई तंज़ किए जाएंगे
कांपते हाथों पे भी फिक्रे कसे जाएंगे
लोग ज़ालिम हैं हर एक बात का ताना देंगे
बातों बातों में मेरा ज़िक्र भी ले आएँगे
उनकी बातों का ज़रा सा भी असर मत लेना
वरना चेहरे के तासुर से समझ जाएँगे
चाहे कुछ भी हो सवालात न करना उनसे
चाहे कुछ भी हो सवालात न करना उनसे
मेरे बारे में कोई बात न करना उनसे
बात निकलेगी तो फ़िर दूर तलक जाएगी
Thursday, October 30, 2008
Koi yeh kaise...
कोई यह कैसे बताये कि वह तनहा क्यूँ है ?
वह जो अपना था वही और किसी का क्यूँ है ?
यही दुनिया है तो फ़िर ऐसी यह दुनिया क्यूँ है ?
यही होता है तो आख़िर यही होता क्यूँ है ?
एक ज़रा हाथ बढ़ा दे तो, पकड़ ले दामन
उसके सीने में समां जाए, हमारी धड़कन
इतनी क़ुर्बत है तो फ़िर फ़ासला इतना क्यूँ है ?
दिल-ऐ-बरबाद से निकला नही अब तक कोई,
एक लुटे घर पर दिया करता है दस्तक कोई,
आस जो टूट गई, फ़िर से बंधाता क्यूँ है ?
तुम मस्सर्रत का कहो या इसे ग़म का रिश्ता,
कहते हैं प्यार का रिश्ता है, जनम का रिश्ता,
है जनम का जो यह रिश्ता तो, बदलता क्यूँ है ?
वह जो अपना था वही और किसी का क्यूँ है ?
यही दुनिया है तो फ़िर ऐसी यह दुनिया क्यूँ है ?
यही होता है तो आख़िर यही होता क्यूँ है ?
एक ज़रा हाथ बढ़ा दे तो, पकड़ ले दामन
उसके सीने में समां जाए, हमारी धड़कन
इतनी क़ुर्बत है तो फ़िर फ़ासला इतना क्यूँ है ?
दिल-ऐ-बरबाद से निकला नही अब तक कोई,
एक लुटे घर पर दिया करता है दस्तक कोई,
आस जो टूट गई, फ़िर से बंधाता क्यूँ है ?
तुम मस्सर्रत का कहो या इसे ग़म का रिश्ता,
कहते हैं प्यार का रिश्ता है, जनम का रिश्ता,
है जनम का जो यह रिश्ता तो, बदलता क्यूँ है ?
Spot the difference....
Was just flitting through facebook and people's al(l-)bums. Diwali's just gone, so a whole bunch of them have put up displays of what they were up to.
Even though I flip through photos of completely unrelated people, you really couldn't tell the difference. Just replace different heads on the same snaps and Voila! - You have a new album!
How predictable is everyone's life? And how similar?
One friend's apartment, became the common arena for a whole bunch of desis. It's the same apartment in all albums, characterised by a conspicuous absence of furniture substituted for, by people crammed in all nooks and corners.
Then there is the food. The take out from reasonably priced Indian Restaurants, drenched in oil and choked with spices. Or the infamous Pizza, from Pizza Hut - where else?
The ones who had enthu to make some sweets inevitably settled on gulab-jamuns. (I am seriously surprised at how many different bunches of people were struck by the exact same brainwave!)
Every group has an overflowing number of people from South India and not-really-an-assortment of traditional dresses all of which have deep creases from being kept in the suitcase for a year and a half!
A proud display of a preciously small number of diyas, that number being proportional to the number of PhD students in the group which in turn is proportional to the state of funded-ness.
Then of course the games. It strikes me how popular these group games have become! Back in Undegrad we never gathered a bunch of people to play mafia! We just sat pulled each other's legs, cribbed about courses, gossiped about objects of mutual hatred (which could be you if you were missing from that day's discussion! :P ) , had arguments, fights, make-ups & generall TP!
But now - no we don't discuss, we don't talk, instead all of us play board games, card games, guessing games, singing games... there's a whole range of these and still people end up playing the same stuff!
It's astonishing to realise how much I am not in control! How much I am not unique! How common place am I now!
Even though I flip through photos of completely unrelated people, you really couldn't tell the difference. Just replace different heads on the same snaps and Voila! - You have a new album!
How predictable is everyone's life? And how similar?
One friend's apartment, became the common arena for a whole bunch of desis. It's the same apartment in all albums, characterised by a conspicuous absence of furniture substituted for, by people crammed in all nooks and corners.
Then there is the food. The take out from reasonably priced Indian Restaurants, drenched in oil and choked with spices. Or the infamous Pizza, from Pizza Hut - where else?
The ones who had enthu to make some sweets inevitably settled on gulab-jamuns. (I am seriously surprised at how many different bunches of people were struck by the exact same brainwave!)
Every group has an overflowing number of people from South India and not-really-an-assortment of traditional dresses all of which have deep creases from being kept in the suitcase for a year and a half!
A proud display of a preciously small number of diyas, that number being proportional to the number of PhD students in the group which in turn is proportional to the state of funded-ness.
Then of course the games. It strikes me how popular these group games have become! Back in Undegrad we never gathered a bunch of people to play mafia! We just sat pulled each other's legs, cribbed about courses, gossiped about objects of mutual hatred (which could be you if you were missing from that day's discussion! :P ) , had arguments, fights, make-ups & generall TP!
But now - no we don't discuss, we don't talk, instead all of us play board games, card games, guessing games, singing games... there's a whole range of these and still people end up playing the same stuff!
It's astonishing to realise how much I am not in control! How much I am not unique! How common place am I now!
Monday, October 27, 2008
Ghalib...
उनके देखे से जो आ जाती है मूह पर रौनक
वह समझते है कि बीमार का हाल अच्छा है !
देखिये पाते हैं उशाक बुतों से क्या फैज़
एक ब्राहमण ने कहा है कि ये साल अच्छा है
हमको मालूम है जन्नत की हकीक़त लेकिन
दिल के खुश रखने को ग़ालिब ये ख़याल अच्छा है
वह समझते है कि बीमार का हाल अच्छा है !
देखिये पाते हैं उशाक बुतों से क्या फैज़
एक ब्राहमण ने कहा है कि ये साल अच्छा है
हमको मालूम है जन्नत की हकीक़त लेकिन
दिल के खुश रखने को ग़ालिब ये ख़याल अच्छा है
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Saturday, October 18, 2008
Surely You're Joking, Mr. Feynman!
Richard P. Feynman is my hero. There is nooooo field in Physics he has left untouched. I mean the guy is just about everywhere. All pervasive.
It all started with this crazy book my friend was reading, "Surely You're Joking, Mr. Feynman!" I think it is called . My friend got obsessed with the man, going on to collect CDs of his lectures and forcing them down my throat too! And all this was when we were in school.
His fascination infected me and I started reading up on the fellow.
Life got serious but Feynman didn't. His lectures on basic Physics covering just about every topic exploded in my world in the 1st year of Undergraduate Studies and I laboured through the 3 volumes during my Summer hols.
I now work in a field far from Feynman's area of work, or so I thought.
Today, I was happily reading along some basic atomistic simulation quantum mechanics, having just stumbled across his name in the morning in the context of his work on QED, when out pops his name again and this time it is Quantum Statistical Mechanics and Many Body Physics. The area of work I desperately want to understand!
I mean come on!
Give the others a break!
It all started with this crazy book my friend was reading, "Surely You're Joking, Mr. Feynman!" I think it is called . My friend got obsessed with the man, going on to collect CDs of his lectures and forcing them down my throat too! And all this was when we were in school.
His fascination infected me and I started reading up on the fellow.
Life got serious but Feynman didn't. His lectures on basic Physics covering just about every topic exploded in my world in the 1st year of Undergraduate Studies and I laboured through the 3 volumes during my Summer hols.
I now work in a field far from Feynman's area of work, or so I thought.
Today, I was happily reading along some basic atomistic simulation quantum mechanics, having just stumbled across his name in the morning in the context of his work on QED, when out pops his name again and this time it is Quantum Statistical Mechanics and Many Body Physics. The area of work I desperately want to understand!
I mean come on!
Give the others a break!
Monday, October 13, 2008
Engliss
--All credits to my IIT friends, spc Utki n Poo :P
Diet Questions Answered
>
>
> Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life;
> is this true?
>
>
>
> A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't
> waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your
> heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the
> life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.
>
> ---------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
>
> A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and
> corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an
> efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain?
> Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy
> vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily
> allowance of vegetable products.
>
> ------------------- ---------------------------------------------------
>
> Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
>
> A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine,
> that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more
> of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!
>
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
>
> A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one.
> If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.
>
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise
> program?
>
> A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good!
>
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
>
> A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!!.... Foods are fried these days in vegetable
> oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be
> bad for you?
>
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the
> middle?
>
> A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should
> only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.
>
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
>
> A: Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It's the best
> feel-good food around!
>
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
>
> A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.
>
> - ---------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
>
> A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!
>
> ________________________________
>
>
> Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had
> about food and diets.
>
>
> And remember:
> 'Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving
> safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in
> sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body
> thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming 'WOO HOO! What a Ride'
>
> AND......
>
> For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on
nutrition and health.
>>
It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional
studies.
1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than
Americans.
2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than
Americans.
3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks
than Americans.
4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks
than Americans.
5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats and
suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
> CONCLUSION
Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills
you.
Diet Questions Answered
>
>
> Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life;
> is this true?
>
>
>
> A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't
> waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your
> heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the
> life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.
>
> ------------------------------
>
> Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
>
> A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and
> corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an
> efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain?
> Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy
> vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily
> allowance of vegetable products.
>
> ------------------- ------------------------------
>
> Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
>
> A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine,
> that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more
> of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!
>
> ------------------------------
>
> Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
>
> A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one.
> If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.
>
> ------------------------------
>
> Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise
> program?
>
> A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good!
>
> ------------------------------
>
> Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
>
> A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!!.... Foods are fried these days in vegetable
> oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be
> bad for you?
>
> ------------------------------
>
> Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the
> middle?
>
> A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should
> only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.
>
> ------------------------------
>
> Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
>
> A: Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It's the best
> feel-good food around!
>
> ------------------------------
>
> Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
>
> A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.
>
> - ------------------------------
>
> Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
>
> A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!
>
> ______________________________
>
>
> Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had
> about food and diets.
>
>
> And remember:
> 'Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving
> safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in
> sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body
> thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming 'WOO HOO! What a Ride'
>
> AND......
>
> For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on
nutrition and health.
>>
It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional
studies.
1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than
Americans.
2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than
Americans.
3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks
than Americans.
4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks
than Americans.
5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats and
suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
> CONCLUSION
Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills
you.
Sunday, October 12, 2008
LOTR!!
May it be an even star
Shines down upon you
May it be when darkness falls
Your heart will be true
You walk a lonely road
Oh! How far you are from home
Mornie utúlië (darkness has come)
Believe and you will find your way
Mornie alantië (darkness has fallen)
A promise lives within you now
May it be the shadows call
Will fly away
May it be you journey on
To light the day
When the night is overcome
You may rise to find the sun
Mornie utúlië (darkness has come)
Believe and you will find your way
Mornie alantië (darkness has fallen)
A promise lives within you now
A promise lives within you now
Shines down upon you
May it be when darkness falls
Your heart will be true
You walk a lonely road
Oh! How far you are from home
Mornie utúlië (darkness has come)
Believe and you will find your way
Mornie alantië (darkness has fallen)
A promise lives within you now
May it be the shadows call
Will fly away
May it be you journey on
To light the day
When the night is overcome
You may rise to find the sun
Mornie utúlië (darkness has come)
Believe and you will find your way
Mornie alantië (darkness has fallen)
A promise lives within you now
A promise lives within you now
Saturday, October 11, 2008
Every loneliness is a pinnacle -- Ayn Rand
And I remember dragging my friend down
from that platform.
I also remember being so utterly sure
I'll make it alone.
Sure that I don't need people
How could I need others?
Remember standing tall, proud and happy
All by myself
Life seemed too long, too engrossing,
With too many options.
I remember finding it tough
keeping track of my goals,
Too much on my hands to worry about anything.
I could afford pinnacles
Suddenly the premium on principles
is so much higher
I can still stand true to those touchstones
I stoutly defended once
But at the cost of excruciating pain
My courage fails and I want my happiness
Back.
So I compromise
Fall
Slowly give way.
To accept things I had scorned.
People say "I am getting smarter" :))
I call it corruption!
But humor saves them and me.
We laugh at our own double standards.
And look for more people to drag down!
from that platform.
I also remember being so utterly sure
I'll make it alone.
Sure that I don't need people
How could I need others?
Remember standing tall, proud and happy
All by myself
Life seemed too long, too engrossing,
With too many options.
I remember finding it tough
keeping track of my goals,
Too much on my hands to worry about anything.
I could afford pinnacles
Suddenly the premium on principles
is so much higher
I can still stand true to those touchstones
I stoutly defended once
But at the cost of excruciating pain
My courage fails and I want my happiness
Back.
So I compromise
Fall
Slowly give way.
To accept things I had scorned.
People say "I am getting smarter" :))
I call it corruption!
But humor saves them and me.
We laugh at our own double standards.
And look for more people to drag down!
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
I got tired of mugging so..
And spring bursts forth
relieving the monotony of harsh winter
In some lonely grey cabin
buried in snow, an old
hag hugs her blanket close
It is indeed snug and warm
Beneath layers of assumptions,
Notions and blatant denials
So warm that
the soft shards of green, shock
the sunlight hurts
the fountains of music
spring
And disturb
They disturb the defeat long accepted
the dust lying on the piano in the basement
Reveal the cracked frames of forgotten photographs
Sunlight snaking into a room of comfort
Mercilessly laying bare the absence of luxury
Or emotion
The piano aches to be tuned again
But fingers are numb
And all desire dumb
How free is that person,
no bonds and no ties
no feelings, no lies
No desire and ambition
Nothing ruined, no creation
No one to heed to, none to disappoint
Nothing to desecrate or anoint.
But here it's still warm, not winter yet
And I have pending results to get
So I'll run my code and you should too
Get back to work, to that list of to-do
And stop wasting time on the net.
relieving the monotony of harsh winter
In some lonely grey cabin
buried in snow, an old
hag hugs her blanket close
It is indeed snug and warm
Beneath layers of assumptions,
Notions and blatant denials
So warm that
the soft shards of green, shock
the sunlight hurts
the fountains of music
spring
And disturb
They disturb the defeat long accepted
the dust lying on the piano in the basement
Reveal the cracked frames of forgotten photographs
Sunlight snaking into a room of comfort
Mercilessly laying bare the absence of luxury
Or emotion
The piano aches to be tuned again
But fingers are numb
And all desire dumb
How free is that person,
no bonds and no ties
no feelings, no lies
No desire and ambition
Nothing ruined, no creation
No one to heed to, none to disappoint
Nothing to desecrate or anoint.
But here it's still warm, not winter yet
And I have pending results to get
So I'll run my code and you should too
Get back to work, to that list of to-do
And stop wasting time on the net.
Sunday, October 5, 2008
Reminder!
This has to go somewhere just for documentation, dunno where to put it down so here goes:
Reminder to self:
"Wish all your past teachers on New year, Every Year".
Ok not ALL...... but at least the ones who had some impact on self.
Reminder to self:
"Wish all your past teachers on New year, Every Year".
Ok not ALL...... but at least the ones who had some impact on self.
Friday, October 3, 2008
Hiatus!
For long I tried to not write, unsuccessfully. There was just too much to think about, talk about, express.
And as suddenly as it came, it went, all desire to comment, cogitate & agonise over. After a long time I was really content, in myself, my place and the people around me. Life was suddenly too absorbing to resort to virtual interactions.
I ran out of topics.
And today I make a topic out of it!
Yesterday Shaamu owned up to something I had no courage to even realise myself.
The fact that all people we had grown so close to, in our stay at IIT, are now so far away, in time space and events! And it is not to undermine the strength of bonds made with much gusto, vows taken with full intent.
But time plays the truant!
As she sadly described how everyone we thought we knew so well has changed to adopt different roles, how different our lives are, how far removed are the social circles we cling to, and how
we have run out of topics to talk about!
It became weird, when we had nothing more to say, she said.
And I could see then, what I had refused to realise all along, that I have run out of topics with many, many people. People whom I considered throwing out of my room during endsems, only to ensure that I study some! People I thought I had an unending list of common interests with and who had undying enthu to speak to me too.
And now we have to struggle to get past scant, barren conversations.
How wrong was I?!
And as suddenly as it came, it went, all desire to comment, cogitate & agonise over. After a long time I was really content, in myself, my place and the people around me. Life was suddenly too absorbing to resort to virtual interactions.
I ran out of topics.
And today I make a topic out of it!
Yesterday Shaamu owned up to something I had no courage to even realise myself.
The fact that all people we had grown so close to, in our stay at IIT, are now so far away, in time space and events! And it is not to undermine the strength of bonds made with much gusto, vows taken with full intent.
But time plays the truant!
As she sadly described how everyone we thought we knew so well has changed to adopt different roles, how different our lives are, how far removed are the social circles we cling to, and how
we have run out of topics to talk about!
It became weird, when we had nothing more to say, she said.
And I could see then, what I had refused to realise all along, that I have run out of topics with many, many people. People whom I considered throwing out of my room during endsems, only to ensure that I study some! People I thought I had an unending list of common interests with and who had undying enthu to speak to me too.
And now we have to struggle to get past scant, barren conversations.
How wrong was I?!
Saturday, August 2, 2008
Cocktail!
6 Germans, 1 British, 1 Irish, 1 Dutch, 1 Italian, 1 French, 1 Scottish, 1 Swedish, 1 Turkish, 1 Indonesian, 1 Indian, 1 Mexican..... 4 cuisines, 3 beaches and Multiferroics. What a mix!
It would be heady if it weren't so heartening.
And today they all leave,
As I stand on the beach at night below the splendour of the Scorpio, Sagittarius, Venus and the Milky Way, I already miss them.
These 2 weeks were worth more fun than many months put together!
Be it Thomas's or Dennis's witticisms, Michael's cute comments, Emre's incredible anecdotes, Sean's snorkles, Andrea's and Wojciech's faux-pas, life here was one hell of a laughter ride! :) :)
Amazingly nice people, incredibly entertaining & unfailingly welcoming!
I do hope I see these people again! :) Maybe here in SB next year ! :)
It would be heady if it weren't so heartening.
And today they all leave,
As I stand on the beach at night below the splendour of the Scorpio, Sagittarius, Venus and the Milky Way, I already miss them.
These 2 weeks were worth more fun than many months put together!
Be it Thomas's or Dennis's witticisms, Michael's cute comments, Emre's incredible anecdotes, Sean's snorkles, Andrea's and Wojciech's faux-pas, life here was one hell of a laughter ride! :) :)
Amazingly nice people, incredibly entertaining & unfailingly welcoming!
I do hope I see these people again! :) Maybe here in SB next year ! :)
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
Deja Vu
"Savita too looked up at him very quickly, with a glance, Lata thought, of gentle concern. Savita, it was true, would have been concerned about anyone who was suffering from anything; but there was a special tenderness here that irritated and confused Lata. Savita had only met this man for an hour! And now he was returning her affectionate look. It was too much.
The bride and the groom were lost in their thoughts. They avoided looking at each other now. They would spend the night in a carefully prepared room in Prem Nivas...I'll always associate tuberoses with Pran, Lata thought. It was not at all pleasant to follow her imagination further. That Savita would be sleeping with Pran tonight did not bear thinking of. It did not strike her as being at all romantic. Perhaps they would be too exhausted, she thought optimistically."
" Men fell for her at a rapid rate, but she saw them beneath her attention. It was not as if she truly hated men; most of the time she didn't. It was just that her standards were too high. No one came near the image she and her sisters had of their father, and most men struck her as being immature. Besides, marriage was a distraction for someone who had set her sights upon the career of medicine, and she was not enormously concerned if she never got married.... Malati's mother was remarkable in that she wished her daughters to be independent. She wanted them, apart from their schooling at a Hindi medium school to learn music and dancing and languages.... Malati's mother made it clear to the girls that she would give them the best education possible, but that they would have to find their own husbands."
"'Malati, what are you thinking of?'.
'Love', said Malati.
'Oh, love, what a boring subject,' said Lata. 'I'll never fall in love. I know you do from time to time. But --' She lapsed into silence, thinking once again, with some distaste, of Savita and Pran, who had left for Simla. Presumably they would return from the hills deeply in love. It was intolerable."
--"The Suitable Boy" - Vikram Seth
The bride and the groom were lost in their thoughts. They avoided looking at each other now. They would spend the night in a carefully prepared room in Prem Nivas...I'll always associate tuberoses with Pran, Lata thought. It was not at all pleasant to follow her imagination further. That Savita would be sleeping with Pran tonight did not bear thinking of. It did not strike her as being at all romantic. Perhaps they would be too exhausted, she thought optimistically."
" Men fell for her at a rapid rate, but she saw them beneath her attention. It was not as if she truly hated men; most of the time she didn't. It was just that her standards were too high. No one came near the image she and her sisters had of their father, and most men struck her as being immature. Besides, marriage was a distraction for someone who had set her sights upon the career of medicine, and she was not enormously concerned if she never got married.... Malati's mother was remarkable in that she wished her daughters to be independent. She wanted them, apart from their schooling at a Hindi medium school to learn music and dancing and languages.... Malati's mother made it clear to the girls that she would give them the best education possible, but that they would have to find their own husbands."
"'Malati, what are you thinking of?'.
'Love', said Malati.
'Oh, love, what a boring subject,' said Lata. 'I'll never fall in love. I know you do from time to time. But --' She lapsed into silence, thinking once again, with some distaste, of Savita and Pran, who had left for Simla. Presumably they would return from the hills deeply in love. It was intolerable."
--"The Suitable Boy" - Vikram Seth
Monday, July 14, 2008
Aragorn
"Hold your ground!
I see in your eyes the same fear that would take the heart of me.
A day may come when the courage of men fails, when we forsake our friends and break all bonds of fellowship,
but it is not this day.
An hour of wolves and shattered shields, when the age of men comes crushing down!
But it is NOT this day!
THIS DAY WE FIGHT!
By all that you hold dear on this good Earth, I bid you
stand,
Men of the West!"
I see in your eyes the same fear that would take the heart of me.
A day may come when the courage of men fails, when we forsake our friends and break all bonds of fellowship,
but it is not this day.
An hour of wolves and shattered shields, when the age of men comes crushing down!
But it is NOT this day!
THIS DAY WE FIGHT!
By all that you hold dear on this good Earth, I bid you
stand,
Men of the West!"
Sunday, July 13, 2008
You can pass out of an IIT, but you can never leave it behind.. (or something crisp, to that effect! )
http://youtube.com/watch?v=Ht5OAYdlel8&feature=related
Watched this amazing video today
Dunno what folly made me search for IITB videos on You Tube
But then many a men have fallen into the trap
of looking behind and being ensnared by their past!
It is more than a ghost, I think,
This past of mine, it lives in me day and night
The echo of four blissful years of my reasonably happy life! :)
Coming back to my cardinal sin,
The beautiful song was trimmed
morphed rather, to sing praises of
the noteworthy life of the valuable IITB scholar!
You can tell where the words are a delta forced
Yet it fit so beautifully, seamlessly
into the campus life and rung true!
Capturing the heart of life there
in its own distinctive lingo!
Not satisfied with throwing away my
entire weekend maaroing pure lukkha
so I couldn't even recall where my time went
(Ask any self-respecting IITian how to do that )
I went on to waste my Sunday evening too
Listening to the blessed song in an
Infinite Loop
egged on by the portrayal of 'The IITBite'
the notes dissolving away whatever dregs of
guilt the new 'Grad student' in me had
developed
My conscience arose, troubled
by the call of its Alma Mater
Putting fight to stand true to the touchstones
of a true IITian life
And I decided to put away all my NBD and
watch a late night movie
Which fortunately turned out to be depressing
So I felt duty-bound
to watch a happy one subsequently!
Now it's 12:15 am on Sunday and I have a meeting with my Prof
tomorrow morning with 2 days worth of work expected
And not a penny's worth done!
And so I resort to the age old recipe for success of last minute submissions:
A Night-Out! :) :)
Which will begin directly after this
Morale-boosting blog, I promise!
And so will I have been faithful
to my legacy! :)
And guess what, I am happy
Quite happy
At not being a NBDu grad student
buried in books
so desperate to finish all work within a day of the deadline! :D
Happy to decide to put my foot down and break a few rules! :D
For all those who haven't done this
You have no idea of how great it feels
To not arrive..
To late- submit or not submit..
To miss a deadline...
To break a rule..
To miss a beat, dump a care..
To sneak a night for oneself..
To lose the load..
After all wasn't this what IIT was all about?!!
Watched this amazing video today
Dunno what folly made me search for IITB videos on You Tube
But then many a men have fallen into the trap
of looking behind and being ensnared by their past!
It is more than a ghost, I think,
This past of mine, it lives in me day and night
The echo of four blissful years of my reasonably happy life! :)
Coming back to my cardinal sin,
The beautiful song was trimmed
morphed rather, to sing praises of
the noteworthy life of the valuable IITB scholar!
You can tell where the words are a delta forced
Yet it fit so beautifully, seamlessly
into the campus life and rung true!
Capturing the heart of life there
in its own distinctive lingo!
Not satisfied with throwing away my
entire weekend maaroing pure lukkha
so I couldn't even recall where my time went
(Ask any self-respecting IITian how to do that )
I went on to waste my Sunday evening too
Listening to the blessed song in an
Infinite Loop
egged on by the portrayal of 'The IITBite'
the notes dissolving away whatever dregs of
guilt the new 'Grad student' in me had
developed
My conscience arose, troubled
by the call of its Alma Mater
Putting fight to stand true to the touchstones
of a true IITian life
And I decided to put away all my NBD and
watch a late night movie
Which fortunately turned out to be depressing
So I felt duty-bound
to watch a happy one subsequently!
Now it's 12:15 am on Sunday and I have a meeting with my Prof
tomorrow morning with 2 days worth of work expected
And not a penny's worth done!
And so I resort to the age old recipe for success of last minute submissions:
A Night-Out! :) :)
Which will begin directly after this
Morale-boosting blog, I promise!
And so will I have been faithful
to my legacy! :)
And guess what, I am happy
Quite happy
At not being a NBDu grad student
buried in books
so desperate to finish all work within a day of the deadline! :D
Happy to decide to put my foot down and break a few rules! :D
For all those who haven't done this
You have no idea of how great it feels
To not arrive..
To late- submit or not submit..
To miss a deadline...
To break a rule..
To miss a beat, dump a care..
To sneak a night for oneself..
To lose the load..
After all wasn't this what IIT was all about?!!
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
Kahin to...hogi woh...duniya...
It soars right through the mist
clear, sharp, a bolt, a clarion rung.
Piercing through the
shroud of my uncertainty
A ray of sunshine, a note struck true
Swirls, curls and swerves
Curves out of its own self to
boomerang back to my being
Draping my hope in faith
clear, sharp, a bolt, a clarion rung.
Piercing through the
shroud of my uncertainty
A ray of sunshine, a note struck true
Swirls, curls and swerves
Curves out of its own self to
boomerang back to my being
Draping my hope in faith
Tuesday, July 8, 2008
Monday, July 7, 2008
Sky blue & black...
In the calling out to one another
Of the lovers up and down the strand
In the sound of the waves and the cries
Of the seagulls circling the sand
In the fragments of the songs
Carried down the wind from some radio
In the murmuring of the city in the distance
Ominous and low
I hear the sound of the world where we played
And the far too simple beauty
Of the promises we made
If you ever need holding
Call my name, I’ll be there
If you ever need holding
And no holding back, I’ll see you through
Sky blue and black
Where the touch of the lover ends
And the soul of the friend begins
There’s a need to be separate and a need to be one
And a struggle neither wins
Where you gave me the world I was in
And a place I could make a stand
I could never see how you doubted me
When I’d let go of your hand
Yeah, and I was much younger then
And I must have thought that I would know
If things were going to end
And the heavens were rolling
Like a wheel on a track
And our sky was unfolding
And it’ll never fold back
Sky blue and black
And I’d have fought the world for you
If I thought that you wanted me to
Or put aside what was true or untrue
If I’d known that’s what you needed
What you needed me to do
But the moment has passed by me now
To have put away my pride
And just come through for you somehow
If you ever need holding
Call my name, I’ll be there
If you ever need holding
And no holding back, I’ll see you through
You’re the color of the sky
Reflected in each store-front window pane
You’re the whispering and the sighing
Of my tires in the rain
You’re the hidden cost and the thing that’s lost
In everything I do
Yeah and I’ll never stop looking for you
In the sunlight and the shadows
And the faces on the avenue
That’s the way love is
That’s the way love is
That’s the way love is
Sky blue and black
Of the lovers up and down the strand
In the sound of the waves and the cries
Of the seagulls circling the sand
In the fragments of the songs
Carried down the wind from some radio
In the murmuring of the city in the distance
Ominous and low
I hear the sound of the world where we played
And the far too simple beauty
Of the promises we made
If you ever need holding
Call my name, I’ll be there
If you ever need holding
And no holding back, I’ll see you through
Sky blue and black
Where the touch of the lover ends
And the soul of the friend begins
There’s a need to be separate and a need to be one
And a struggle neither wins
Where you gave me the world I was in
And a place I could make a stand
I could never see how you doubted me
When I’d let go of your hand
Yeah, and I was much younger then
And I must have thought that I would know
If things were going to end
And the heavens were rolling
Like a wheel on a track
And our sky was unfolding
And it’ll never fold back
Sky blue and black
And I’d have fought the world for you
If I thought that you wanted me to
Or put aside what was true or untrue
If I’d known that’s what you needed
What you needed me to do
But the moment has passed by me now
To have put away my pride
And just come through for you somehow
If you ever need holding
Call my name, I’ll be there
If you ever need holding
And no holding back, I’ll see you through
You’re the color of the sky
Reflected in each store-front window pane
You’re the whispering and the sighing
Of my tires in the rain
You’re the hidden cost and the thing that’s lost
In everything I do
Yeah and I’ll never stop looking for you
In the sunlight and the shadows
And the faces on the avenue
That’s the way love is
That’s the way love is
That’s the way love is
Sky blue and black
Monday, June 30, 2008
Ainur
I laiss e-mallorn ernediaid.
El-lass dithen, el-lass fíreb
Gâr chinnen. Ir dannatha?
The leaves of the mallorn are numberless
One tiny leaf, one fading leaf
Holds my eyes. When will it fall?
***
Pân i valt law thilia,
Law pain i reviar mistar aen;
Iaur i vell law thinnatha,
Law thynd dyfn na-niss rathar aen.
O lith naur echuiathar aen,
Calad od dúath thuiatha;
Adamminen i vagol vreithannen,
Pen-thôl ad echannen i aran.
El-lass dithen, el-lass fíreb
Gâr chinnen. Ir dannatha?
The leaves of the mallorn are numberless
One tiny leaf, one fading leaf
Holds my eyes. When will it fall?
***
Pân i valt law thilia,
Law pain i reviar mistar aen;
Iaur i vell law thinnatha,
Law thynd dyfn na-niss rathar aen.
O lith naur echuiathar aen,
Calad od dúath thuiatha;
Adamminen i vagol vreithannen,
Pen-thôl ad echannen i aran.
'All that is gold does not glitter,
Not all those who wander are lost;
The old that is strong does not wither,
Deep roots are not reached by the frost.
From the ashes a fire shall be woken,
A light from the shadows shall spring;
Renewed shall be blade that was broken,
The crownless again shall be king'
***
The Road goes ever on and on
Down from the door where it began.
Now far ahead the Road has gone,
And I must follow, if I can,
Pursuing it with eager feet,
Until it joins some larger way
Where many paths and errands meet.
And wither then? I cannot say.***
Upon the hearth the fire is red,
Beneath the roof there is a bed;
But not yet weary are our feet,
Still round the corner we may meet
A sudden tree, or standing stone
That none have seen but we alone.
Tree and flower and leaf and grass,
Let them pass! Let them pass!
Hill and water under sky,
Pass them by! Pass them by!
Still round the corner there you wait
A new road or a secret gate,
And though wwe pass them by today,
Tomorrow we may come this way
And take the hidden paths that run
Towards the Moon ot to the Sun.
Apple, thorn, and nut and sloe,
Let them go! Let the go!
Sand and stone and pool and dell,
Fare you well! Fare you well!
Home is behind, the world ahead,
And there are many paths to tread
Through shadows to the edge of night,
Until the stars are all alight.
Then world behind and home ahead,
We’ll wander back to home and bed.
Mist and twilight, cloud and shade,
Away shall fade! Away shall fade!
Fire and lamp, and meat and bread,
And then to bed! And then to bed!***
Thursday, May 29, 2008
Beyond the facade.
This is that flow of fury
That rage rushing through the veins
Have you ever felt it?
When all becomes hazy except for the target and the source
And you become the center of all the unfairness in this world
When you cannot hear beyond a scream
That begins deep within and bursts forth from your own lungs
The indignation of righteous adrenalin
powering through
Rock music with all its histrionics
Dynamites of the conscious
And yet only half aware
Intent on destroying all in its path
Destroying itself to begin with
This is how people must have killed
Albiet an idiotic and yet a very pure emotion
Untainted by any tact or diplomacy
The bare face of heart-felt hatred
The self assumed right of Youth
The agony and the ecstacy.
That rage rushing through the veins
Have you ever felt it?
When all becomes hazy except for the target and the source
And you become the center of all the unfairness in this world
When you cannot hear beyond a scream
That begins deep within and bursts forth from your own lungs
The indignation of righteous adrenalin
powering through
Rock music with all its histrionics
Dynamites of the conscious
And yet only half aware
Intent on destroying all in its path
Destroying itself to begin with
This is how people must have killed
Albiet an idiotic and yet a very pure emotion
Untainted by any tact or diplomacy
The bare face of heart-felt hatred
The self assumed right of Youth
The agony and the ecstacy.
Sunday, May 4, 2008
Where you gonna go?
Oh the wind whistles down
The cold dark street tonight
And the people they were dancing to the music vibe
And the boys chase the girls with the curls in their hair
While the shy tormented youth sit way over there
And the songs they get louder
Each one better than before
And you're singing the songs
Thinking this is the life
And you wake up in the morning and your head feels twice the size
Where you gonna go? Where you gonna go?
Where you gonna sleep tonight?
So your heading down the road in your taxi for four
And you're waiting outside Jimmy's front door
But nobody's in and nobody's home 'til four
So you're sitting there with nothing to do
Talking about Robert Riger and his motley crew
And where you're gonna go and where you're gonna sleep tonight?
And you're singing the songs
Thinking this is the life
And you wake up in the morning and your head feels twice the size
Where you gonna go? Where you gonna go?
Where you gonna sleep tonight?
Courtesy: Shruti
Refer : This is the life by Amy Macdonald
Too many things I am addicted to, just too many things I can't live without.
Can't afford to be this dependent. I love my work, why is it then not enough?
Why doesn't life begin & end there, with my papers, my equations and my codes?
The Physics I loved so much.
Why am I so spoilt? So used to all the trimmings and the flutings...
Trying so hard to not let anything slip by, greedily garner all close to my grasp!
Can't afford to be this dependent. I love my work, why is it then not enough?
Why doesn't life begin & end there, with my papers, my equations and my codes?
The Physics I loved so much.
Why am I so spoilt? So used to all the trimmings and the flutings...
Trying so hard to not let anything slip by, greedily garner all close to my grasp!
Addicted. That's the word!
I really need to let go.....
Strewn.....
Darkness in the light, Rightness in the wrong, Saneness in the mad,
Sadness in the joy, Genius in the gene, Sunset in the East,
Ruby in the Dust, Trust in the Mistrust, Mystery's final page,
Stranger's lonely glance, Hero's only chance
Undiscovered Land, Old school in the tie, Spirit in the sky.
Addiction to academics, forgiveness for friends, forgiveness by friends
Betrayal in loyalties, Excitement in a drab existence,
Adventure in the fear
The well meaning satire, The dissolving music,
Inspirations from faltering Tennis idols.
The sacred in the profane. The worship in the contempt.
I'm the truth you'll never know
I'm the place you'll never go
I'm the will you'll not destroy
I'm an innocent laughter's joy.
*refer: Gin Soaked Boy
Sadness in the joy, Genius in the gene, Sunset in the East,
Ruby in the Dust, Trust in the Mistrust, Mystery's final page,
Stranger's lonely glance, Hero's only chance
Undiscovered Land, Old school in the tie, Spirit in the sky.
Addiction to academics, forgiveness for friends, forgiveness by friends
Betrayal in loyalties, Excitement in a drab existence,
Adventure in the fear
The well meaning satire, The dissolving music,
Inspirations from faltering Tennis idols.
The sacred in the profane. The worship in the contempt.
I'm the truth you'll never know
I'm the place you'll never go
I'm the will you'll not destroy
I'm an innocent laughter's joy.
*refer: Gin Soaked Boy
Thursday, May 1, 2008
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
Rekhaaon ka ..
khel hai muqaddar
Rekhaon se..
maat kha rahe ho
Ban jayenge..
zeher peete peete
Yeh ashq jo..
peete jaa rahe ho
Tum itna jo..
muskura rahe ho..
Kya gham hai jisko
chhupa rahe ho?
Rekhaon se..
maat kha rahe ho
Ban jayenge..
zeher peete peete
Yeh ashq jo..
peete jaa rahe ho
Tum itna jo..
muskura rahe ho..
Kya gham hai jisko
chhupa rahe ho?
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
- "If you saw Atlas, the giant who holds the world on his shoulders, if you saw that he stood, blood running down his chest, his knees buckling, his arms trembling but still trying to hold the world aloft with the last of his strength, and the greater the effort the heavier the world bore down upon his shoulders—what would you tell him to do?"
"I…don’t know. What…could he do? What would you tell him?"
"To shrug."
- I need no warrant for being and no word of sanction upon my being. I am the warrant and the sanction.
- The evil of the world is made possible by nothing but the sanction you give it.
Saturday, April 26, 2008
People don't change!
- Wilson: "House, you're right. Why not? Why not date you? It's brilliant. We've known each other for years We've put up with all kinds of crap from each other. And we keep coming back. We're a couple."
Wilson: "Amber is exactly what I need and you would agree if you weren't mired in self-loathing, topped with a thin crust of megalomania.
- Wilson: "Do you know what this means?"
Wilson: "My world could expand. I could form a long-term connection that isn't with you. And since you put the darkest possible construction on everything, you could end up losing a friend. You've thought of all this. And yet you're going along with it. Are you being— self-sacrificing?"
House: "I'll sacrifice a lab rat. I'll sacrifice a fly. I'll sacrifice two hundred on a mudder at Monmouth Park. I don't sacrifice self."
Thursday, April 24, 2008
Take Two.
- Post placement and apping results, a particularly happy and completely confused friend of mine: "It is weird to get all that you want!" - Well that's new! Not new in that I did know people even last year who did achieve everything they wanted, but that this is the subsequent feeling!
- An adamant, outraged, unyielding me: "This can't be rock! HOW can it be rock?! I loove this song and I hate rock!" Yagna: "That is your prejudice talking!"
- Dr. Wilson to Dr. House:
- "Some doctors have the "Messiah" complex, they HAVE to go and save the world! You have the Rubick's complex!"
- After much deliberation on whether Cameron was House's hallucination. - "Unless Cameron is a dead cat, she couldn't really be at 2 places at the same time!
- House, when Wilson reminds him that it is not a practise to believe in schizophrenic patients: "Aah the system. And if it weren't for the original raving schizophrenic Socrates, we wouldn't have any such practices in the first place!"
- "The paradoxes of quantum electrodynamics often arise from the fact that relativistic particles are always accompanied by their Bizarro-world alter egos: antiparticles."
- "When in doubt start a war"
- "If you want to get into industry then get into it right now, switch. Swallow your pride! " - Wow! I didn't know doing Physics was an egoistical issue. To me it was always the subject I had most fun with. Even now. Besides back in college, it went CS,EE, some engg, some more engg. and then EP. Here the Basic Sciences people are actually smug simply because they are Basic Sciences. And they have much more intellect too! What a welcome change :D!
- "And there are voices that want to be heard; So much to mention but you can't find the words"
Monday, April 21, 2008
101 posts! - High time ! (Michael Penn - Scrubs OST)
This one's for all who have been reading my blog and are thereby getting increasingly concerned about my well being! Really sweet of you but just to reassure, I am neither upset nor pained.
The emotions I decide to paint, including songs, are chosen more out of pure beauty of expression than anything else.
I admit I get a little nostalgic sometimes but then who doesn't and I guess it's justifiable and due after such a wonderful hostel life. :)
So I shall just blame it on the quarter life crises :P and quote:
The emotions I decide to paint, including songs, are chosen more out of pure beauty of expression than anything else.
I admit I get a little nostalgic sometimes but then who doesn't and I guess it's justifiable and due after such a wonderful hostel life. :)
So I shall just blame it on the quarter life crises :P and quote:
What a scene
what a drama
just to find the door
that was mean
that was totally uncalled for
have you reached the point
where you must choose
between what you lost and
what you stand to lose
isn't it high time?
Could it be that the future's going
to turn out great?
well, we'll see
meantime somebody
lays in wait
'til you reach the point where
you must choose
between what you've lost
and what you stand to lose
so come up with a new line
'cause baby it's high time
What a shame
I know nothing's ever
been this tough
out of blame
and out of all of that other stuff
but when you're alone with
what you've left
and you've done bereaved and
been bereft enough
you have reached the point
where you must choose
between what you've lost
and what you stand to lose
isn't it high time
baby it's high time
baby it's high time
what a drama
just to find the door
that was mean
that was totally uncalled for
have you reached the point
where you must choose
between what you lost and
what you stand to lose
isn't it high time?
Could it be that the future's going
to turn out great?
well, we'll see
meantime somebody
lays in wait
'til you reach the point where
you must choose
between what you've lost
and what you stand to lose
so come up with a new line
'cause baby it's high time
What a shame
I know nothing's ever
been this tough
out of blame
and out of all of that other stuff
but when you're alone with
what you've left
and you've done bereaved and
been bereft enough
you have reached the point
where you must choose
between what you've lost
and what you stand to lose
isn't it high time
baby it's high time
baby it's high time
Friday, April 11, 2008
Reflections
1 cup of milk, 3 spoons of sugar, 2 full teaspoons of coffee powder if not 3, half a spoon of chocolate powder and a dollop of whipped cream! That's what I'm high on! That and 3 episodes of House MD, the pestering thought of two obnoxious people I have to scream my head off on, the incessant guilt of wasting a perfectly opportune day and the resolution to make the night pay for it!
The garnishing on this zesty brew consists of these innocent comments strewn about disconnected events in my life, that I have decided to pluck from their true context and deliberate on.
My mom is often the source of compelling remarks that nudge me to come home. These subtle understatements sneak in and over time grow to form a deep, dark, desperate hurricane that sweeps away all other thought, twisting every other emotion only to feed on it.
One particularly annoying day when I was complaining about life in Austin and displaying strong traits of migrating back, she heartily agreed proclaiming:
"We all should spend the time there is now, together"
I was simply aghast! When did she start viewing life in the reverse, the negative, the time left instead of time elapsed? To me life is effectively infinite still. At least I don't entertain the idea of it ending anytime soon! Life when viewed from this tinted glass of negative time, looks lop sided, you realise there is actually not much time one has, given all one has to accomplish. That out of so long, you do want to spend a considerable time with your family which you are missing out now. That you don't know if you will ever meet a particular long lost friend ever again. It flips everything! This reminds me of this classmate of mine, who when we were just passing out of college, decided to be extra-nice to everyone and consciously go around having fun, making amends for past squabbles. In fact you could poke him in the eye and get a hug in return!
Yagna and I often crib about this place. If we share a passion (apart from loving House), it is hating our current life and the place around. A particularly inspiring comment:
Yagna: "People here are not even worth wasting my sarcasm on"!!
A Professor in the School of Music was lecturing us on teaching and volunteered:
"It is not a straight line from here to an A. Life is never a straight line. It's a mess from your beginning to your end. And it is how you make sense of the mess and find your way to your goal that matters. You might have to retrace steps, erase happenings, try different directions. Ultimately it is this tolerance of the mess that is your greatest learning and achievement."
Friday, April 4, 2008
All I do is miss you....And the way we used to be.
Imagine
An early morning breeze
lush green woods
Cold wind flowing through your hair
The leaves flying in their graceful descent to
The grass covered ground, with dew drops strewn about
The cool leaves caressing your feet as you lightly
step around
all in white - careful to not disturb the colours around you
with the smell of lavender and roses
weaved into the wind
The early morning kind Sun
bright and tender
lightly brushing the surface of the
deep blue lake
with crystal clear water,
And the enchanted mountains
spiraling heavenwards
The music of birds chirping,
and rain dancing down
laden with the sweet smell of
sodden earth,
telling stories of
lavish showers to come,
of brimming pools,
gurgling streams
that green leaf
bursting to burgeon
that tiny tendril
now curling around a stalk
careful to not strangle a
blossoming flower
of orchids and tulips
of that lily waiting for the lake
of grand pianos, smooth guitars
mesmerising flutes,
splashes of colours
of monsoon at home....
An early morning breeze
lush green woods
Cold wind flowing through your hair
The leaves flying in their graceful descent to
The grass covered ground, with dew drops strewn about
The cool leaves caressing your feet as you lightly
step around
all in white - careful to not disturb the colours around you
with the smell of lavender and roses
weaved into the wind
The early morning kind Sun
bright and tender
lightly brushing the surface of the
deep blue lake
with crystal clear water,
And the enchanted mountains
spiraling heavenwards
The music of birds chirping,
and rain dancing down
laden with the sweet smell of
sodden earth,
telling stories of
lavish showers to come,
of brimming pools,
gurgling streams
that green leaf
bursting to burgeon
that tiny tendril
now curling around a stalk
careful to not strangle a
blossoming flower
of orchids and tulips
of that lily waiting for the lake
of grand pianos, smooth guitars
mesmerising flutes,
splashes of colours
of monsoon at home....
Thursday, April 3, 2008
Another Gem!
"My Immortal"
I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
'Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone
These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me
You used to captivate me
By your resonating light
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind
Your face it haunts
My once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away
All the sanity in me
These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase
I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me
I've been alone all along
I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
'Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone
These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me
You used to captivate me
By your resonating light
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind
Your face it haunts
My once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away
All the sanity in me
These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase
I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me
I've been alone all along
Wednesday, April 2, 2008
Friday, March 21, 2008
PAF
Everyone’s been raving about the 10, 9, 4 PAF! And all I can see is the OAT, crowds waiting at the gates, the darkness, their restlessness, the last minute rehearsal inside those gates, the inevitable delays, OAT flood lights, the scripts, mikes, lamps, the cheering each other, sound checks, music junta, guitars, keyboards, even flutes and tablas, the choreos being run and re run.
Then just as the patience of the crowds begins to desert the gates open and what a scramble it is! Announcements of seating, judges, hostel loyalties, cheering, jeering, darkness shrouding the stage.
As people settle and the lights go on, music begins, the set on which hundreds of people have been slogging for weeks is revealed in all its glory and the magnum opus unfolds! It is simply enrapturing, the feeling of being a part of such an enormous production.
Even so, I don’t know why but the OAT is haunting me like a mean ghost with unfinished business. I have never taken very kindly to the idea of PAF, which has more to to do with than my first PAF being a perfect draconian nightmare!
I am completely against the drudgery the construction of a PAF requires, the amount of work freshers are made to do, involuntarily. PAF to me was always the workhouse for the juniors and an expensive holiday for jobless seniors, all expenses paid for by the hostel of course!
The kind of people who inevitably ended up running the show were ones who needed just another excuse to bunk classes, hang out, maaro sutta with equally vella friends, stall any hopes of finishing work fast for people who had other priorities in life! I know just how useless this top drawer was since I was once a part of it too!
Then of course adding to this prestigious list were the breed who believed being a gilded PAF incharge would secure them a top job! Eventually when one H10’s PAF committee tried to pay off their treat bills using hostelers’ money without telling them, PAF’s coffin for me was nailed nice and proper!
Why then does the OAT haunt me so (and it’s not even nostalgia!)?
Probably because all said and done, a PAF will always be unique not just to IIT Bombay but to anything, anywhere. Never again will I get the chance to be a part of something so magnificent. Never will so many different departments, come together, in sync, fit together in harmony to make one production. Never will I get to stray into a music room and butt in with a few notes on original musical compositions, or give unwanted advice on music! Nor will I be able to play with all kinds of guitars, or try my fingers on a flute, or tabla or sitar & what nots! For someone like me who resolutely insists on poking my finger in every pie, right from scripting to acting to singing & FA-ing, irrespective of whether I have any aptitude for it or not, a PAF is simply a dream gone wild and then come true!
For those 3 days leading up to the final performance, the OAT becomes a magical place, a make believe world that your own imagination has help built, and yet very real, all encompassing and eagerly shaping itself to the fancies of 3 hostels. Really, the possibilities that tiny square piece of land provides are limited only by our own creativity. And in that world I wandered aimlessly year after year as if drifting in a dream, with background music, enthralling dances, the smell of paint and the brilliant backdrops!
After all, how often does one get to live in a real dream?
Thursday, March 20, 2008
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
Borrowed - Euphemism for stolen!
Classic : Something that everybody wants to have read and nobody wants to read!
College : The land of midnight sons.
College Graduate: One who gets a liberal education while his dad is getting an education in liberality
College Professor : A man who is paid to study sleeping conditions among students.
Budget : The family's attempt to live below its yearnings.
Blind Alley: Easy street.
City: Millions of people being lonesome together
A great city, a great solitude.
Baby sitter : Someone you pay to watch your television set while you children cry themselves to sleep.
Candidate : A man who stands for what he thinks the people will fall for.
Blotter: A porous substance you spend your time looking for while the ink is drying
Bargain : Anything a customer thinks a store is losing money on.
Civilisation : Just a slow process of creating more needs to supply
A system where a man has to pay a quarter to park his car so he won't be fined a dollar while spending a dime for a nickel cup of coffee.
Book : A garden carried in a pocket
Cold War : A period where nations flex their missiles.
Bachelor : One who gets "tangled up with a lot of women in order to avoid getting tied to one"
A man who wouldn't take 'yes' for an answer
A man who knows the precise psychological moment when to say nothing
A man who is footloose and fiance free!
A permanent public temptation!
Bore : A man who deprives you of solitude without providing you company.
A man who, when you ask him how he is, tells you.
A person who is here today and here tomorrow.
Braggart : A person who enters a conversation feat first.
Chess : A foolish expedient for making idle people believe they are doing something very clever, when they are only wasting their time.
Beginner's luck : A college freshman with an idea!
Child: A loud noise with a dirty neck
Children : What you know how to bring up when you don't have any.
Bank : An institution which will lend you money if you can prove that you do not need it.
Biped : Anything that goes on two feet, for instance a pair of socks.
Cauliflower: Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.
College : The land of midnight sons.
College Graduate: One who gets a liberal education while his dad is getting an education in liberality
College Professor : A man who is paid to study sleeping conditions among students.
Budget : The family's attempt to live below its yearnings.
Blind Alley: Easy street.
City: Millions of people being lonesome together
A great city, a great solitude.
Baby sitter : Someone you pay to watch your television set while you children cry themselves to sleep.
Candidate : A man who stands for what he thinks the people will fall for.
Blotter: A porous substance you spend your time looking for while the ink is drying
Bargain : Anything a customer thinks a store is losing money on.
Civilisation : Just a slow process of creating more needs to supply
A system where a man has to pay a quarter to park his car so he won't be fined a dollar while spending a dime for a nickel cup of coffee.
Book : A garden carried in a pocket
Cold War : A period where nations flex their missiles.
Bachelor : One who gets "tangled up with a lot of women in order to avoid getting tied to one"
A man who wouldn't take 'yes' for an answer
A man who knows the precise psychological moment when to say nothing
A man who is footloose and fiance free!
A permanent public temptation!
Bore : A man who deprives you of solitude without providing you company.
A man who, when you ask him how he is, tells you.
A person who is here today and here tomorrow.
Braggart : A person who enters a conversation feat first.
Chess : A foolish expedient for making idle people believe they are doing something very clever, when they are only wasting their time.
Beginner's luck : A college freshman with an idea!
Child: A loud noise with a dirty neck
Children : What you know how to bring up when you don't have any.
Bank : An institution which will lend you money if you can prove that you do not need it.
Biped : Anything that goes on two feet, for instance a pair of socks.
Cauliflower: Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.
-A Dictionary of Wit, Wisdom and Satire.
Sunday, March 16, 2008
Bohemian Rhapsody!
Blaring out from my neighbour's place, this song suddenly filled the space around, caught hold of me and took me right down the memory lane, straight to IIT!
This is probably the craziest song I have EVER sung! :) And what fun it was, 4-5 people, all on different pitches, with different lines! Trying hard to get it right! No one able to hear even themselves, forget anyone else. :P
KP singing brilliantly but catching wrong beginning notes at wrong beats :P, Arun singing infrasonic, hence no one could hear him :P , Sriku somewhat distant from the note thereby leading KP off !! And I was the worst what with my sopranos notes worthy of an Opera :P I was in mortal fear of going deaf listening to my own self practising the notes that evaded me! :D
What a time it was! :))
But then future will be present someday and I shall get down to commenting on it too, all in good time! :D
This is probably the craziest song I have EVER sung! :) And what fun it was, 4-5 people, all on different pitches, with different lines! Trying hard to get it right! No one able to hear even themselves, forget anyone else. :P
KP singing brilliantly but catching wrong beginning notes at wrong beats :P, Arun singing infrasonic, hence no one could hear him :P , Sriku somewhat distant from the note thereby leading KP off !! And I was the worst what with my sopranos notes worthy of an Opera :P I was in mortal fear of going deaf listening to my own self practising the notes that evaded me! :D
What a time it was! :))
**
It's strange how I can only seem to blabber about my past. Somehow it seems I either live in the past or the future. The present doesn't capture my imagination. Funny!"Nothing really matters, anyone can see.
Nothing really matters, to me......"
Nothing really matters, to me......"
But then future will be present someday and I shall get down to commenting on it too, all in good time! :D
Friday, March 14, 2008
And I am still young :P
It is not in the nature of man--nor of any living entity--to start out by giving up, by spitting in one's own face and damning existence; that requires a process of corruption whose rapidity differs from man to man.
Some give up at the first touch of pressure; some sell out; some run down by imperceptible degrees and lose their fire, never knowing when or how they lost it.
Then all of these vanish in the vast swamp of their elders who tell them persistently that maturity consists of abandoning one's mind; security, of abandoning one's values; practicality, of losing self-esteem.
Yet a few hold on and move on, knowing that that fire is not to be betrayed, learning how to give it shape, purpose and reality. But whatever their future, at the dawn of their lives, men seek a noble vision of man's nature and of life's potential. ...
Thursday, March 13, 2008
It was............not my imagination. - Cranberries
The play flipped character,
suddenly.
I had only been goofing around
with life, when
It turned around and drew the curtains
on my act.
All my wild characters froze into
real people,
And my life became yet another script,
unrehearsed.
I only hope, it will be a comedy!
suddenly.
I had only been goofing around
with life, when
It turned around and drew the curtains
on my act.
All my wild characters froze into
real people,
And my life became yet another script,
unrehearsed.
I only hope, it will be a comedy!
Monday, March 10, 2008
Art - a delayed echo
Author: A fool who, not content with having bored those who have lived with him, insists on boring future generations
Admiration: Our polite recognition of another man's resemblance to ourselves.
Middle Age: That period of a man's life when he'd rather not have a good time than have to get over it.
Autobiography: An unrivaled vehicle for telling the truth about other people.
Anxiety: Fear of oneself.
Ambition: The main thing that keeps people moving, but the 'No Parking' sign is doing its part.
Altruism: The art of doing unselfish things for selfish reasons.
America: A country where "the young are always ready to give to those who are older then themselves the full benefits of their inexperience"
Americans: People who trust in God. You can tell by the way they drive.
Agreeable: To agree with me
Absurdity: A statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one's own opinion.
Adult: One who has stopped growing except in the middle.
Admiration: Our polite recognition of another man's resemblance to ourselves.
Middle Age: That period of a man's life when he'd rather not have a good time than have to get over it.
Autobiography: An unrivaled vehicle for telling the truth about other people.
Anxiety: Fear of oneself.
Ambition: The main thing that keeps people moving, but the 'No Parking' sign is doing its part.
Altruism: The art of doing unselfish things for selfish reasons.
America: A country where "the young are always ready to give to those who are older then themselves the full benefits of their inexperience"
Americans: People who trust in God. You can tell by the way they drive.
Agreeable: To agree with me
Absurdity: A statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one's own opinion.
Adult: One who has stopped growing except in the middle.
Boxer
All lies and jest, still a man hears what he wants to hear
And disregards the rest.
In the clearing stands a boxer, and a fighter by his trade
And he carries the reminders of every glove that laid him down or cut him
'Til he cried out in his anger and his shame
I am leaving, I am leaving, but the fighter still remains.
And disregards the rest.
In the clearing stands a boxer, and a fighter by his trade
And he carries the reminders of every glove that laid him down or cut him
'Til he cried out in his anger and his shame
I am leaving, I am leaving, but the fighter still remains.
:)
Just finished watching Taare Zameen Par, can't even see clearly in fact!
Had been somewhat scared to watch it till now, finally mustered the courage required and what a movie it has been! Simply dazzled me with its brilliance! What an exquisite piece of art! :) :) :)
Had been somewhat scared to watch it till now, finally mustered the courage required and what a movie it has been! Simply dazzled me with its brilliance! What an exquisite piece of art! :) :) :)
Tuesday, March 4, 2008
Unsuitable Girl
"Indeed, all those whose brains I've pressed,
Unmerciful, because obsessed;"
Unmerciful, because obsessed;"
Just started reading "Suitable Boy" and inching towards liking Seth's style. Maybe in time I shall truly comprehend Poo's incredibly loud (even for her :P) lament on discovering that he is gay!
A particularly descriptive passage was all the nudge I needed to relapse into one of my characteristic muses.
"the bridegroom emerged from one side of the house, dressed all in white, his dark rather nervous face veiled with hanging strings of white flowers.... Lata found it difficult to imagine the lecturer under the veil of tuberoses.."
As a 24 year old Indian girl, with friends getting married left, right and center, it is not difficult for me to picturise the scenario, nor is it blatantly out of place. The image of the traditional Indian groom hiding behind a mat of flowers and the beautiful bride, laden with jewelery, covered from the tip of her hair to the edge of her toenail in resplendent red, promptly paints itself in no little detail.
I wonder what those veils are for, why are the bride and the groom supposed to look at anything but each other, show all but recognition? Why is the 'sacrosanct' ceremony disguised in layers of garment? The image of the two being wedded, especially the bride, hanging their heads, hiding their faces, is reminiscent of either a beast up for sacrifice or a guilty in a courtroom.
I always thought the act of announcing your love and sanctifying your bond, before society should be done with an intransigent head, held high, in full knowledge of reality and taking full responsibility for it. With eyes that want to look at the other person, conveying exactly what the marriage means. Shouldn't the two look at each other more than anything or anyone else when they take their vows? What is the meaning of such an accent to vows, spouted by two figures hiding from each other and the rest of the world?
I had always imagined marriage should be more on the lines of the Christian ones, solemn, grave, personal and above all willful.
All my antipathy however, is reassuringly distant. There exists a protective cocoon spun around my world, by my own upbringing, the beliefs of my family, reinforced with my own choice of friends and influences. Frequently however, reality catches up with me and often leaves me bewildered and occasionally aghast!
One such whirlwind encounter with an old friend and fellow engineer from another IIT shook my world. From being a tomboy even in college, to now promptly getting facials, hair do's and make overs, posing in an assortment of traditional dresses for snaps, the best of which are to be uploaded on Shaadidotcom, she left me reeling with shock. I fail to understand why she tried so hard to secure my approval of her conduct, why it mattered at all that I do not believe in choking one's spirit with the gorgeous duppattas to get dressed up for the marriage market. But all her tails of flimsy relationships, of a guy in her batch habitually beating up his girlfriend and fellow student, designed to justify her act, only added to my alarm.
It just reminded me of all the crap girls have to take even today.
It brought back memories of whenever I was specifically told, as if it were an ancient adage, that beyond all doubt, girls cannot do science or maths. Of all the times my friends related to me the amount of pressure they withstood, or in case they were more fortunate, their parents withstood, when they decided to do an MS, or a PhD and not get married like all good girls should. Of that ridiculous colleague(a doctorate and working woman herself!) of my mom who told her to not send me to an IIT coz then I won't find a suitable match, and start hoarding money for my wedding instead!
More than anything it reminded me of this friend of my Dad, who has been hounding me ever since I was a teenager about when I would learn to cook. Naive and unrelenting that I was, I could never understand why he expected me to know cooking in Std VIIIth and not his son, who was my age. In fact I failed to understand why it was such a big issue that I did not show the slightest of inclination to inhabit the kitchen. The irony of the situation befuddled me even more when I observed that it was in fact this uncle of mine who did most of the early morning cooking at his home cause he had married a doctor who was against getting up early!
Then I realised, resigned though he were to making breakfast for his family, he still thought that an ideal girl should make it her prime motive to bring culinary delight to all around her.
Now that I have learnt cooking and am not too bad at it, I am pretty sure this person will quickly hop to "So when is Anu getting married?". Rather he will pointedly ask my parents, " When are you getting her married off?", like I am the last person on this Earth who should have any knowledge of or concern in the issue!
But then the remark will not even hit me, as I will take refuge in my shelter, and my parents will deal with the invasion. My darling mom will probably even speak up in my defense and will leave a few gaping mouths in the trail of her discourse! :))
A weed is just a flower growing in the wrong garden..
-Stephanie Markman
I stand in a land of roses,
But I dream of a land of snow,
Where you and I were happy
In the years of long ago.
Nightingales in the branches,
Stars in the magic skies,
But I only hear you singing,
I only see your eyes.
I stand once again in the North land,
But in silence and in shame;
Your grave is my only landmark,
And men have forgotten my name.
'Tis a tale that is truer and older
Than any the sagas tell,
I loved you in life too little,
I love you in death too well!
***
We love with great difficulty
spinning in one place
afraid to create
spaces
new rhythm...
go quickly, Tsukiko,
into your circled dance
go quickly
before your steps are
halted by who you ae not
go quickly
to who you are...
-Janice Mirikitani
***
She would live only to endure, to be patient, to work, to suffer; and at last, when she had gone through all these things, to die without ever having lived and without knowing that she had never lived. Judith had seen grow up in the families dozens of such little girls.....to pass...quickly from that into...the....burdens of too frequent maternity.
-Edith Kelley
***
and if my eyes conceal
a squadron of conflicting rebellions
I learned from you
to define myself
through your denials
how often
have we built each other
as shelters
against the cold.
-Audrey Lorde
***
Sunday, March 2, 2008
Mother & Daughter
What can I say, but that it's not easy?
I cannot lift the stones out of your way,
And I can't cry your bitter tears for you.
I would if I could, what can I say?
But we're not one, we're worlds apart.
You and I,
Child of my body, bone of my bone,
Apple of my eye.
Rosalie Sorrels
***
That I not be a restless ghost
Who haunts your footsteps as they pass
Beyond the point where you have left
Me standing in the newsprung grass,
You must be free to take a path
Whose end I feel no need to know,
No irking fever to be sure
You went where I would have you go....
So you can go without regret
Away from this familiar land,
Leaving your kiss upon my hair
And all the future in your hands.
Margaret Mead
***
twenty one years of my life you have been
the lost colour in my eye. my secret blindness,
all my seeings turned grey with your going.
mother, i have worn your name like a shied.
it has torn but protected me all these years,
now even your absence comes of age.
i put on a dress called woman for this day
but i am not grown away from you
whatever i say.
Lucille Clifton
***
I cannot lift the stones out of your way,
And I can't cry your bitter tears for you.
I would if I could, what can I say?
But we're not one, we're worlds apart.
You and I,
Child of my body, bone of my bone,
Apple of my eye.
Rosalie Sorrels
***
That I not be a restless ghost
Who haunts your footsteps as they pass
Beyond the point where you have left
Me standing in the newsprung grass,
You must be free to take a path
Whose end I feel no need to know,
No irking fever to be sure
You went where I would have you go....
So you can go without regret
Away from this familiar land,
Leaving your kiss upon my hair
And all the future in your hands.
Margaret Mead
***
twenty one years of my life you have been
the lost colour in my eye. my secret blindness,
all my seeings turned grey with your going.
mother, i have worn your name like a shied.
it has torn but protected me all these years,
now even your absence comes of age.
i put on a dress called woman for this day
but i am not grown away from you
whatever i say.
Lucille Clifton
***
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
Tied down?
I don't know if it's just the desperation to go to familiar grounds, but I really have never felt so kindly towards my country as I do now. I remember distinctly as a kid, being enamoured with the West, with their achievements, their work ethics, the way their democracy worked. The politics, corruption and crime shamelessly flourishing in India didn't leave me with much adoration. I still loved my homeland, but much like one loves a cousin turned bad.
Words like 'heritage' and 'culture' to me were only exotic sounding baits, used by nouveau Gurus to entice westerners or Ekta Kapoor to script Tulsi's dialogues. It is surprising then that I sit today with my friend and discuss how this place is completely devoid of culture, in sharp contrast to India. Here you travel from one coast to another, covering 3 time zones, and the native people just about manage to change their slang a little!
India has some 29 States now and as you cross the border between any 2 of them, the language changes, the dressing changes, the food, music, style of living, least of all - the landscape, the soil, crop, staple diet, everything is new, different, interesting. Every place has a story and a different story to tell! That place is so alive, full of people, throbbing, pulsating, it has the energy and the conflict of a teenager. America is like this well oiled huge piece of machinery, a masterpiece of creation, a monument to the intellect and ard work of man. India is still a striving, stumbling individual.
But it is humane. And it is aware. Americans live like the rest of the world didn't exist, Chinese don't have any opinion what so ever on whether it exists or not. Indians however know, not only that it exists but also how to pull what strings, to make it go where they want!
I am now two sentences away from being labelled arrogant, yet again, so I guess that's about it for now.
Words like 'heritage' and 'culture' to me were only exotic sounding baits, used by nouveau Gurus to entice westerners or Ekta Kapoor to script Tulsi's dialogues. It is surprising then that I sit today with my friend and discuss how this place is completely devoid of culture, in sharp contrast to India. Here you travel from one coast to another, covering 3 time zones, and the native people just about manage to change their slang a little!
India has some 29 States now and as you cross the border between any 2 of them, the language changes, the dressing changes, the food, music, style of living, least of all - the landscape, the soil, crop, staple diet, everything is new, different, interesting. Every place has a story and a different story to tell! That place is so alive, full of people, throbbing, pulsating, it has the energy and the conflict of a teenager. America is like this well oiled huge piece of machinery, a masterpiece of creation, a monument to the intellect and ard work of man. India is still a striving, stumbling individual.
But it is humane. And it is aware. Americans live like the rest of the world didn't exist, Chinese don't have any opinion what so ever on whether it exists or not. Indians however know, not only that it exists but also how to pull what strings, to make it go where they want!
I am now two sentences away from being labelled arrogant, yet again, so I guess that's about it for now.
Monday, February 25, 2008
Bulla Ki Jaana - Rabbi Shergill (Lyrics) - originally sung by Baba Bulleh Shah
| Na maen momin vich maseet aan Na maen vich kufar diyan reet aan Na maen paakaan vich paleet aan Na maen moosa na pharaun. Bulleh! ki jaana maen kaun Na maen andar ved kitaab aan, Na vich bhangaan na sharaab aan Na vich rindaan masat kharaab aan Na vich jaagan na vich saun. Bulleh! ki jaana maen kaun. Na vich shaadi na ghamnaaki Na maen vich paleeti paaki Na maen aabi na maen khaki Na maen aatish na maen paun Bulleh!, ki jaana maen kaun Na maen arabi na lahori Na maen hindi shehar nagauri Na hindu na turak peshawri Na maen rehnda vich nadaun Bulla, ki jaana maen kaun Na maen bheth mazhab da paaya Ne maen aadam havva jaaya Na maen apna naam dharaaya Na vich baitthan na vich bhaun Bulleh , ki jaana maen kaun Avval aakhir aap nu jaana Na koi dooja hor pehchaana Maethon hor na koi siyaana Bulla! ooh khadda hai kaun Bulla, ki jaana maen kaun | Not a believer inside the mosque, am I Nor a pagan disciple of false rites Not the pure amongst the impure Neither Moses, nor the Pharoh Bulleh! to me, I am not known Not in the holy Vedas, am I Nor in opium, neither in wine Not in the drunkard`s craze Niether awake, nor in a sleeping daze Bulleh! to me, I am not known In happiness nor in sorrow, am I Neither clean, nor a filthy mire Not from water, nor from earth Neither fire, nor from air, is my birth Bulleh! to me, I am not known Not an Arab, nor Lahori Neither Hindi, nor Nagauri Hindu, Turk (Muslim), nor Peshawari Nor do I live in Nadaun Bulleh! to me, I am not known Secrets of religion, I have not known From Adam and Eve, I am not born I am not the name I assume Not in stillness, nor on the move Bulleh! to me, I am not known I am the first, I am the last None other, have I ever known I am the wisest of them all Bulleh! do I stand alone? Bulleh! to me, I am not known |
Things I’ve Learned About The Blues:
1. Most blues begin “woke up this morning.”
2. “I got a good woman” is a bad way to begin the blues, unless you stick something nasty in the next line. I got a good woman - with the meanest dog in town.
3. Blues are simple. After you have the first line right, repeat it. Then find something that rhymes. Sort of. Got a good woman with the meanest dog in town. He got teeth like Margaret Thatcher and he weighs about 500 pounds.
4. The blues are not about limitless choice.
5. Blues cars are Chevies and Cadillacs. Other acceptable blues transportation is Greyhound bus or a southbound train. Walkin’ plays a major part in the blues lifestyle. So does fixin’ to die.
6. Teenagers can’t sing the blues. Adults sing the blues. Blues adulthood means old enough to get the electric chair if you shoot a man in Memphis.
7. You can have the blues in New York City, but not in Brooklyn or Queens. Hard times in Vermont or North Dakota are just depression. Chicago, St. Louis, and Kansas City are still the best places to have the blues.
8. You can’t have the blues in an office or a shopping mall; the lighting is all wrong.
9. The following colors do not belong in the blues:
a. violet
b. beige
c. mauve
10. Good places for the Blues:
a. the highway
b. the jailhouse
c. the empty bed
11.Bad places for the Blues:
a. Ashrams
b. Gallery openings
c. weekend in the Hamptons
12. Do you have the right to sing the blues?
Yes, if:
a. your first name is a southern state-like Georgia
b. you’re blind
c. you shot a man in Memphis.
d. you can’t be satisfied.
No, if:
a. you were once blind but now can see.
b. you’re deaf
c. you have a trust fund.
13. No one will believe it’s the blues if you wear a suit, unless you happen to be an old black man.
14. Neither Julio Iglesias nor Barbra Streisand can sing the blues.
15. If you ask for water and baby gives you gasoline, it’s the blues. Other blues beverages are:
a. wine
b. whiskey
c. muddy water
16.Blues beverages are NOT:
a. Any mixed drink
b. Any wine kosher for Passover
c. YooHoo
17. If it occurs in a cheap motel or a shotgun shack, it’s blues death. Stabbed in the back by a jealous lover is a blues way to die. So is the electric chair, substance abuse, or being denied treatment in an emergency room. It is not a blues death if you die during a liposuction treatment.
18. Some Blues names for Women
a. Sadie
b. Big Mama
c. Bessie
19. Some Blues Names for Men
a. Joe
b. Willie
c. Little Willie
d. Lightning
20a. Persons with names like Sierra or Sequoia will not be permitted to sing the blues no matter how many men they shoot in Memphis.
20b. Other Blues Names (Starter Kit)
a. Name of Physical infirmity (Blind, Cripple, Asthmatic)
b. First name (see above) or name of fruit (Lemon, Lime, Kiwi)
c. Last Name of President (Jefferson, Johnson, Fillmore, etc.)
Mix and Match
Saturday, February 23, 2008
Is it supposed to make sense?
arguments...opinions....values....ethics...beliefs...reality....compromise
tradition....independence....work...job....acads...family.....kids...
principles....marriages.....career....boyfriend....strength...India..US
passion.....logic.....heart...mind...soul.....spirit....age...health
friendships.....companions....loyalty....truth...compromise again..
Or hold out?
tradition....independence....work...job....acads...family.....kids...
principles....marriages.....career....boyfriend....strength...India..US
passion.....logic.....heart...mind...soul.....spirit....age...health
friendships.....companions....loyalty....truth...compromise again..
Or hold out?
I Hope....
"First you hate 'em, then you get used to them, then enough time passes, you start to depend on them.
That's institutionalised."
"Hope is a good thing. Maybe the best of things. And no good thing dies."
"A free man at the start of a long journey, whose conclusion is uncertain."
-Shawshank Redemption.
That's institutionalised."
"Hope is a good thing. Maybe the best of things. And no good thing dies."
"A free man at the start of a long journey, whose conclusion is uncertain."
-Shawshank Redemption.
Today someone offered me something I could not take up, something I would have enjoyed but have prior commitments that seem more engrossing.
It surprises me that I am happy, this happy at that. I never thought I needed acceptance or appreciation this much and it seems a long time since I felt this particular brand of joy, that of being wanted, of being valued, of having something to offer that people need, desire. I feel normal, redeemed.
Of having options, of getting to choose! It feels like being at home after an exile.
And I shall not let go of this. Mom's right though, when you have great expectations, high hopes, you have to live up to them. But now I don't care how hard I have to slog. I don't care if I don't go out or sleep well. I will have options.
" Get busy living or get busy dying"
-Shawshank Redemption.
-Shawshank Redemption.
I'll live the way I dreamt to, the way I ought to.
To take a chance on life again?
"Hunter"
With one light on in one room
I know you're up when I get home
With one small step upon the stair
I know your look when I get there
If you were a king up there on your throne
would you be wise enough to let me go
for this queen you think you own
Wants to be a hunter again
wants to see the world alone again
to take a chance on life again
so let me go
The unread book and painful look
the tv's on, the sound is down
One long pause
then you begin
oh look what the cat's brought in
If you were a king up there on your throne
would you be wise enough to let me go
for this queen you think you own
Wants to be a hunter again
wants to see the world alone again
to take a chance on life again
so let me go
let me leave
For the crown you've placed upon my head feels too heavy now
and I don't know what to say to you but I'll smile anyhow
and all the time I'm thinking, thinking
I want to be a hunter again
want to see the world alone again
to take a chance on life again
so let me go.
With one light on in one room
I know you're up when I get home
With one small step upon the stair
I know your look when I get there
If you were a king up there on your throne
would you be wise enough to let me go
for this queen you think you own
Wants to be a hunter again
wants to see the world alone again
to take a chance on life again
so let me go
The unread book and painful look
the tv's on, the sound is down
One long pause
then you begin
oh look what the cat's brought in
If you were a king up there on your throne
would you be wise enough to let me go
for this queen you think you own
Wants to be a hunter again
wants to see the world alone again
to take a chance on life again
so let me go
let me leave
For the crown you've placed upon my head feels too heavy now
and I don't know what to say to you but I'll smile anyhow
and all the time I'm thinking, thinking
I want to be a hunter again
want to see the world alone again
to take a chance on life again
so let me go.
Gin soaked Boy
Im the darkness in the light
Im the leftness in the right
Im the rightness in the wrong
Im the shortness in the long
Im the goodness in the bad
Im the saneness in the mad
Im the sadness in the joy
Im the gin in the gin-soaked boy
Im the ghost in the machine
Im the genius in the gene
Im the beauty in the beast
Im the sunset in the east
Im the ruby in the dust
Im the trust in the mistrust
Im the trojan horse in troy
Im the gin in the gin-soaked boy
Im the tigers empty cage
Im the mysterys final page
Im the strangers lonely glance
Im the heros only chance
Im the undiscovered land
Im the single grain of sand
Im the christmas morning toy
Im the gin in the gin-soaked boy
Im the world youll never see
Im the slave youll never free
Im the truth youll never know
Im the place youll never go
Im the sound youll never hear
Im the course youll never steer
Im the will youll not destroy
Im the gin in the gin-soaked boy
Im the half-truth in the lie
Im the why not in the why
Im the last roll of the die
Im the old school in the tie
Im the spirit in the sky
Im the catcher in the rye
Im the twinkle in her eye
Im the jeff goldblum in the fly
Who am i?
Im the leftness in the right
Im the rightness in the wrong
Im the shortness in the long
Im the goodness in the bad
Im the saneness in the mad
Im the sadness in the joy
Im the gin in the gin-soaked boy
Im the ghost in the machine
Im the genius in the gene
Im the beauty in the beast
Im the sunset in the east
Im the ruby in the dust
Im the trust in the mistrust
Im the trojan horse in troy
Im the gin in the gin-soaked boy
Im the tigers empty cage
Im the mysterys final page
Im the strangers lonely glance
Im the heros only chance
Im the undiscovered land
Im the single grain of sand
Im the christmas morning toy
Im the gin in the gin-soaked boy
Im the world youll never see
Im the slave youll never free
Im the truth youll never know
Im the place youll never go
Im the sound youll never hear
Im the course youll never steer
Im the will youll not destroy
Im the gin in the gin-soaked boy
Im the half-truth in the lie
Im the why not in the why
Im the last roll of the die
Im the old school in the tie
Im the spirit in the sky
Im the catcher in the rye
Im the twinkle in her eye
Im the jeff goldblum in the fly
Who am i?
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