College : The land of midnight sons.
College Graduate: One who gets a liberal education while his dad is getting an education in liberality
College Professor : A man who is paid to study sleeping conditions among students.
Budget : The family's attempt to live below its yearnings.
Blind Alley: Easy street.
City: Millions of people being lonesome together
A great city, a great solitude.
Baby sitter : Someone you pay to watch your television set while you children cry themselves to sleep.
Candidate : A man who stands for what he thinks the people will fall for.
Blotter: A porous substance you spend your time looking for while the ink is drying
Bargain : Anything a customer thinks a store is losing money on.
Civilisation : Just a slow process of creating more needs to supply
A system where a man has to pay a quarter to park his car so he won't be fined a dollar while spending a dime for a nickel cup of coffee.
Book : A garden carried in a pocket
Cold War : A period where nations flex their missiles.
Bachelor : One who gets "tangled up with a lot of women in order to avoid getting tied to one"
A man who wouldn't take 'yes' for an answer
A man who knows the precise psychological moment when to say nothing
A man who is footloose and fiance free!
A permanent public temptation!
Bore : A man who deprives you of solitude without providing you company.
A man who, when you ask him how he is, tells you.
A person who is here today and here tomorrow.
Braggart : A person who enters a conversation feat first.
Chess : A foolish expedient for making idle people believe they are doing something very clever, when they are only wasting their time.
Beginner's luck : A college freshman with an idea!
Child: A loud noise with a dirty neck
Children : What you know how to bring up when you don't have any.
Bank : An institution which will lend you money if you can prove that you do not need it.
Biped : Anything that goes on two feet, for instance a pair of socks.
Cauliflower: Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.
-A Dictionary of Wit, Wisdom and Satire.
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