Engliss

--All credits to my IIT friends, spc Utki n Poo :P

Diet Questions Answered

>
>
> Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life;
> is this true?
>
>
>
> A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't
> waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your
> heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the
> life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.
>
> ------------------------------

---------------------------------------
>
> Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
>
> A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and
> corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an
> efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain?
> Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy
> vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily
> allowance of vegetable products.
>
> ------------------- ---------------------------------------------------
>
> Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
>
> A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine,
> that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more
> of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!
>
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
>
> A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one.
> If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.
>
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise
> program?
>
> A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good!
>
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
>
> A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!!.... Foods are fried these days in vegetable
> oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be
> bad for you?
>
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the
> middle?
>
> A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should
> only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.
>
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
>
> A: Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It's the best
> feel-good food around!
>
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
>
> A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.
>
> - ---------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
>
> A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!
>
> ________________________________
>
>
> Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had
> about food and diets.
>
>
> And remember:
> 'Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving
> safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in
> sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body
> thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming 'WOO HOO! What a Ride'
>
> AND......
>
> For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on
nutrition and health.
>>

It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional
studies.

1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than
Americans.

2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than
Americans.

3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks
than Americans.

4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks
than Americans.

5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats and
suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
> CONCLUSION
Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills
you.